A purpose for living
Dublin Core
Title
A purpose for living
Subject
Hate crimes
Sexual minorities
GLBT people
Description
Interview with Judy and Dennis Shepard about their son Matthew. Newsday Section B.
Creator
Angela Pidduck
Publisher
Daily News Limited
Date
2014-4-13
Format
PDF
600dpi
Language
English
Type
Text
Image
Still Image
Coverage
Trinidad and Tobago
Text Item Type Metadata
Text
A purpose for living BY ANGELA PIDDUCK
IN OCTOBER 1998, Judy and Dennis Shepard lost their 21-year-old son, Matthew, to a murder motivated by anti-gay hate, in Laramie, Wyoming. Determined to prevent others from suffering their son's fate, the couple decided to turn their grief into action and established the Matthew Shepard Foundation to carry on his legacy.
The couple who travels the world "strictly on invitation" to promote their message of understanding, compassion and acceptance for all, regardless of sexual orientation, visited Trinidad and Tobago this past week before going to Jamaica on Thursday.
I was one of the journalists accredited to do a one-on-one interview with these two amazing individuals. I found out shortly before meeting the Shephards, that in October 2013, my 26-year-old granddaughter, a post-graduate student at Indiana University, had heard Judy Shepard speak on The Meaning of Matthew - a memoir which she authored in 2009 exploring the family's journey through the prosecution of Matthew's assailants, the ensuing media coverage, and their continuing work to advance civil rights. 'Surreal' was my thought on this coincidence separated by thousands of miles.
Says my granddaughter, "I went to a lecture Judy gave here at Indiana University. She was very inspiring, it was amazing to hear through all the suffering etc how they managed to create such an amazing outlook on life and foundation. In reality that's all you can really do with something so tragic, so it was very humbling and awe inspiring to hear about what they went through and managed to make something so absolutely positive with it. Reminds me of a quote I love from a book I read... "What is to give light must endure burning."
And Dennis and Judy Shepard have certainly come through the vicious murder of their 21-year-old son - two men were sentenced to two consecutive life sentences without parole for the crime "so they will never be out" - sharing the light from their intense burning, wherever needed.
Judy actually sat through the entire trial as her husband, Dennis, was at that time an oil industry safety specialist in safety operations for Saudi Aramco in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia. Said Judy, "It was important for Matt being represented in the courtroom. I wanted everybody to know he had a loving family, says I did sit through it all."
The Shepherds have one other son, 33-year-old Logan, who lives in Denver, Colorado, and who works for the Matthew Shepard Foundation.
Matthew was 18 years old when he "came out" to his parents, but says Judy, "I knew since he was about eight years old, but he himself was not aware," Dennis added, "We didn't care. I had gay friends in college... We kept waiting for him to come out."
His father speaks passionately on the fact that "society conditions those kids to be afraid even if they know in their heads that their parents will accept it."
"There is no choice. He was, very lucky that he had parents for whom it was natural. Do you think these kids want to be beaten up, vandalised, robbed, injured or even murdered when they come out?
"Do you think older people can take the chance of being fired because of their sexual orientation, can't marry the person you want, cannot make choices in life or death situations. Who chooses that life? Half of your energy goes to hiding your real self and the other half to pretending who you want to be for the public."
Matthew Shepard's story really began on December 1, 1976, when he was born in Casper, Wyoming. He went to public school in Casper until his junior year of high school when he moved with his family to Saudi Arabia.
"Matt had to finish his high school education at The American School in Switzerland, where he did well," says Dennis, "because there were no American high schools in Saudi Arabia at the time.
"In both high schools, he was elected by his peers to be a peer counsellor. He was easy to talk to, made friends easily and actively fought for the acceptance of all people... His college career eventually took Matt back to Wyoming where he studied political science, foreign relations and languages at the University of Wyoming in Laramie."
Matt's parents were still living in Saudi Arabia when he was abducted by Aaron Mc Kinney and Russell Henderson shortly after midnight on October 7, 1998, and driven to a remote area east of Laramie, Wyoming. Judy Shepard still wipes tears away as her husband relates some details of the crime where their son, tied to a split-rail fence and severely assaulted with the butt of a pistol by Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson; was beaten and left to die in the cold night.
Almost 18 hours later, a teenage cyclist falling off his mountain bike, saw what he thought was a scarecrow on the fence, and picking himself up discovered it was Matt as he took a closer look", said Dennis.
"No one was looking for Matt as we were thousands of miles away, until this young man found him. Knowing the two new convicted killers were involved in a similar incident, the police chased them down and caught one of them, found Matt's ID, shoes and the gun with blood in their vehicle. When Matt's death was reported, they started piecing everything together and found evidence to resolve that these were the two young men involved in it."
The Shepard's stayed for 12 years in Saudi after their son died, and came back to the United States of America to do this work which has eased the pain: "It has given us purpose, a reason to get out of bed everyday," says Judy.
"I am not sure I could have survived without a purpose. We made a commitment to Matt's memory that we would try to make things better for his friends because there are a lot more out there. And they do come out to us especially just to get a Mom hug, they will address me, and Dennis, as they want to tell their story to people they trust."
Says Dennis: "These are Judy's dreams, goals, objectives, everything that is done, specifically has been her. You never take a mother's baby away."
Although she sat in the courthouse daily, throughout the murder trial, Judy Shepard has never ever spoken to the two men who viciously murdered her son, nor have they asked to speak with her. But she did for a while keep in touch with the young man who found him tied to the rail.
"He was a very young teenager who suffered post traumatic stress and had a really hard time, he dropped out of school. The last time I talked to his mother he was starting to adjust to the entire situation."
In their very short stay here, the couple felt some opposition. But said Dennis, "no matter where you go you have people opposed to everything. The blue sky should be black. Most people in places like Trinidad and Tobago want to open up in discussion and use us as the forum.
"We would say that Western Europe is the most open on the lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans-gender (LGBT) situation, although you still have opposition.
"The Foundation deals with all forms of discrimination and bias, not just anti-gay, but anti-bullying, slur words against religion, race, and those who are different.
"If it's different they are scared. Judy and I just want parents to know that having children and raising them in a happy accepting home, no matter what, is the best gift they can give to their children."
The horrific events that took place shortly after midnight on October 7, 1998, would become one of the most notorious anti-gay hate crimes in American history and spawned an activist movement that, more than decade later, would result in passage of the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr Hate Crimes Prevention Act, a federal law against bias crimes directed at LGBT individuals.
Just prior to Matt's death, in June the same year, Byrd was chained and dragged behind a pick-up truck in Jasper Texas, until he died.
In her role as Board President, Judy Shepard travels across the world speaking to audiences about what they can do as individuals and communities to make people understand and to make this world a more accepting place for everyone, regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, sex, gender identity and expression or sexual orientation.
"It will not happen in our lifetime, but people are opening up and public discussion of these issues help to speed up the process and the progression to equal rights," she says.
IN OCTOBER 1998, Judy and Dennis Shepard lost their 21-year-old son, Matthew, to a murder motivated by anti-gay hate, in Laramie, Wyoming. Determined to prevent others from suffering their son's fate, the couple decided to turn their grief into action and established the Matthew Shepard Foundation to carry on his legacy.
The couple who travels the world "strictly on invitation" to promote their message of understanding, compassion and acceptance for all, regardless of sexual orientation, visited Trinidad and Tobago this past week before going to Jamaica on Thursday.
I was one of the journalists accredited to do a one-on-one interview with these two amazing individuals. I found out shortly before meeting the Shephards, that in October 2013, my 26-year-old granddaughter, a post-graduate student at Indiana University, had heard Judy Shepard speak on The Meaning of Matthew - a memoir which she authored in 2009 exploring the family's journey through the prosecution of Matthew's assailants, the ensuing media coverage, and their continuing work to advance civil rights. 'Surreal' was my thought on this coincidence separated by thousands of miles.
Says my granddaughter, "I went to a lecture Judy gave here at Indiana University. She was very inspiring, it was amazing to hear through all the suffering etc how they managed to create such an amazing outlook on life and foundation. In reality that's all you can really do with something so tragic, so it was very humbling and awe inspiring to hear about what they went through and managed to make something so absolutely positive with it. Reminds me of a quote I love from a book I read... "What is to give light must endure burning."
And Dennis and Judy Shepard have certainly come through the vicious murder of their 21-year-old son - two men were sentenced to two consecutive life sentences without parole for the crime "so they will never be out" - sharing the light from their intense burning, wherever needed.
Judy actually sat through the entire trial as her husband, Dennis, was at that time an oil industry safety specialist in safety operations for Saudi Aramco in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia. Said Judy, "It was important for Matt being represented in the courtroom. I wanted everybody to know he had a loving family, says I did sit through it all."
The Shepherds have one other son, 33-year-old Logan, who lives in Denver, Colorado, and who works for the Matthew Shepard Foundation.
Matthew was 18 years old when he "came out" to his parents, but says Judy, "I knew since he was about eight years old, but he himself was not aware," Dennis added, "We didn't care. I had gay friends in college... We kept waiting for him to come out."
His father speaks passionately on the fact that "society conditions those kids to be afraid even if they know in their heads that their parents will accept it."
"There is no choice. He was, very lucky that he had parents for whom it was natural. Do you think these kids want to be beaten up, vandalised, robbed, injured or even murdered when they come out?
"Do you think older people can take the chance of being fired because of their sexual orientation, can't marry the person you want, cannot make choices in life or death situations. Who chooses that life? Half of your energy goes to hiding your real self and the other half to pretending who you want to be for the public."
Matthew Shepard's story really began on December 1, 1976, when he was born in Casper, Wyoming. He went to public school in Casper until his junior year of high school when he moved with his family to Saudi Arabia.
"Matt had to finish his high school education at The American School in Switzerland, where he did well," says Dennis, "because there were no American high schools in Saudi Arabia at the time.
"In both high schools, he was elected by his peers to be a peer counsellor. He was easy to talk to, made friends easily and actively fought for the acceptance of all people... His college career eventually took Matt back to Wyoming where he studied political science, foreign relations and languages at the University of Wyoming in Laramie."
Matt's parents were still living in Saudi Arabia when he was abducted by Aaron Mc Kinney and Russell Henderson shortly after midnight on October 7, 1998, and driven to a remote area east of Laramie, Wyoming. Judy Shepard still wipes tears away as her husband relates some details of the crime where their son, tied to a split-rail fence and severely assaulted with the butt of a pistol by Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson; was beaten and left to die in the cold night.
Almost 18 hours later, a teenage cyclist falling off his mountain bike, saw what he thought was a scarecrow on the fence, and picking himself up discovered it was Matt as he took a closer look", said Dennis.
"No one was looking for Matt as we were thousands of miles away, until this young man found him. Knowing the two new convicted killers were involved in a similar incident, the police chased them down and caught one of them, found Matt's ID, shoes and the gun with blood in their vehicle. When Matt's death was reported, they started piecing everything together and found evidence to resolve that these were the two young men involved in it."
The Shepard's stayed for 12 years in Saudi after their son died, and came back to the United States of America to do this work which has eased the pain: "It has given us purpose, a reason to get out of bed everyday," says Judy.
"I am not sure I could have survived without a purpose. We made a commitment to Matt's memory that we would try to make things better for his friends because there are a lot more out there. And they do come out to us especially just to get a Mom hug, they will address me, and Dennis, as they want to tell their story to people they trust."
Says Dennis: "These are Judy's dreams, goals, objectives, everything that is done, specifically has been her. You never take a mother's baby away."
Although she sat in the courthouse daily, throughout the murder trial, Judy Shepard has never ever spoken to the two men who viciously murdered her son, nor have they asked to speak with her. But she did for a while keep in touch with the young man who found him tied to the rail.
"He was a very young teenager who suffered post traumatic stress and had a really hard time, he dropped out of school. The last time I talked to his mother he was starting to adjust to the entire situation."
In their very short stay here, the couple felt some opposition. But said Dennis, "no matter where you go you have people opposed to everything. The blue sky should be black. Most people in places like Trinidad and Tobago want to open up in discussion and use us as the forum.
"We would say that Western Europe is the most open on the lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans-gender (LGBT) situation, although you still have opposition.
"The Foundation deals with all forms of discrimination and bias, not just anti-gay, but anti-bullying, slur words against religion, race, and those who are different.
"If it's different they are scared. Judy and I just want parents to know that having children and raising them in a happy accepting home, no matter what, is the best gift they can give to their children."
The horrific events that took place shortly after midnight on October 7, 1998, would become one of the most notorious anti-gay hate crimes in American history and spawned an activist movement that, more than decade later, would result in passage of the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr Hate Crimes Prevention Act, a federal law against bias crimes directed at LGBT individuals.
Just prior to Matt's death, in June the same year, Byrd was chained and dragged behind a pick-up truck in Jasper Texas, until he died.
In her role as Board President, Judy Shepard travels across the world speaking to audiences about what they can do as individuals and communities to make people understand and to make this world a more accepting place for everyone, regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, sex, gender identity and expression or sexual orientation.
"It will not happen in our lifetime, but people are opening up and public discussion of these issues help to speed up the process and the progression to equal rights," she says.
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Citation
Angela Pidduck, “A purpose for living,” Angela Pidduck's Writings, accessed May 18, 2024, https://angelapidduck.omeka.net/items/show/2.